I work at a salon in a small town. My boss has been very successful and by coming on board with her, I was hoping to get good training and mentorship from a true master. As a new beautician, I felt this was amazing. I was willing to do grunt work and get to see her work and expand my skills.

Now 3 months later I am updating her website and Facebook page. I am left with so much administrative work, I am unable to do the job I was hired to to, be her assistant. I’ve battled depression in the past and I feel those same clouds coming back again. As I am typing this, I am dreading going to work. She refuses to help me learn how to market myself we a stylist, calls me lazy, and is basically trying to make me quit. I am a hard worker and am trying to do the best I can, but I’m at the end of my rope.

My job description has changed and I am not happy. I’m learning nothing relevant to what my job actually is and I’m miserable. I contacted the dirctor from a chain salon I know and will probably see what she has to offer. But in the meantime, I’m not sure how to handle the despair I feel constantly. I can’t even look my boss in the eye without complete disgust on my face. I’m not an angry person, but I cannot hide my emotions well— whether it be angery, sadness, or glee.

After college, I moved around to a couple of jobs until I found my dream job. The first 5 years had netted me 2 big promotions. Life was good. Then a division of our company broke some environmental regulations and the board members along with the CEO were replaced. I was put in charge of a small portion of the division that had broken the law and was put there to help clean it up. 2 more years of good productive work and another promotion – happy, happy.

I am called into the CEO’s office one morning and was informed we were buying a small company with a completely different product line than we had and he wanted me to work for that divsion’s new VP. I jumped at the chance to learn something new (engineer by training).

The new VP quit after 2 years, and a new one hired immediately – he was older, wiser, and a personal friend of the CEO. But life was good – this new division was successful. But as the economy started to slow, my boss the VP became unable to deal with the slow down and started dumping tons of responsibility on me – which I was OK with for a while until the stress started setting in. He would give direction like – find the next big thing, we need more money – or the economy is tanking, I can’t control that but I can control what we do about it so cut costs and improve the margin. We did manage to cut a great many costs but the noose continued to tighten. He started drinking at work and I tried to talk to him off-line about it, but he just insulted me that I didn’t have the stomach for big business – I ask him what if the CEO finds out and he said the CEO would never touch him so I better watch what I say or I will be out the door.

HR questioned me about his behavior one day but I was very reserved in my response for fear of my job. My stress and anxiety is high at this point but manageable. The CEO calls me into his office again and tells me that my boss is having a hard time coping so I need to help him all I can – I told him I was but he had some unrealistic goals which the CEO barked that those goals were the company goals and I needed to grow a set – if the new division fails it was on my shoulders.

My wife started complaining about 80hr work weeks with no time off. I gain a good bit of weight which my boss continues to poke fun at because I am weak and can’t control my appetite – what else can’t I control he would say.

Well the day finally came, my VP boss has a bad accident while drinking and driving in a company vehicle. He calls me first before he even calls 911 – completely unconcerned about the other car involved and wants me to come to the accident scene and say I was driving. I told him no – he needed to call 911 for his and others’ safety – he said if I didn’t there would be he!! to pay. He couldn’t even tell me what street he was on he was so drunk. Luckily, the other car called 911 and everyone got medical attention – no one was really hurt physically, just scrapes and bruises.

While at the hospital, my boss was given a drug test per company policy before they released him. HR called to get the results of the test the next day and they couldn’t find them. So they tested him again that AM and since it had been 12+ hours from the accident – no alcohol. The police report did show that there was an open container in the car and the VP was fined for that and failure to yield ROW. When the CEO saw the police report, he asked my boss if he had been drinking and he told him yes. The CEO called me in and asked if knew that he had been drinking, and I said yes – for several months on the job!!! My pay was cut and I was reprimanded because I didn’t take steps to warn the company of his behavior – I lashed out at the CEO and was told to take my punishment like a man – don’t try and cloud the issue.

2 days later my boss was pulled for a random drug test and he popped positive for a blood/alcohol level unacceptable to be at work. His pay was cut and demoted – now he and I together ran the new division – we were equals on the org chart. He worked in that position for a few months and decided he was not happy with that – he called the entire division together when I was out of town and told them that I was on probation and to avoid me at all costs – he was in charge and decisions came through him.

I return to what appears to be mass chaos. I confront him and he tells me something is going down regarding layoffs and my job is on the line – I better lay low – so I do.

At this point I am weeping at my desk daily. I lost the weight I had gained plus some. I couldn’t make love to my wife. The CEO notices my change in appearance one day and calls me into his office. He tells me he made a mistake putting me in my position – I couldn’t handle the responsibility and now I’ve allowed his friend to hit the bottom of the barrel. He tells me I should have helped my boss that night when he wrecked the company car – that would have been the manly thing to do – the only way to be successful is to help others be successful.

The next month my boss resigns and moves out of state. The CEO promotes me to the VP role. He says after review of the financials for the past several years, I have my work cut out for me. I spend the next several years turning over rocks and finding illegal activity, bad decisions, and tons of wasted money on “science projects”. Rather than congratulate me, he said that it was my fault for letting my old boss do those things.

It’s been over 5 years since my boss resigned and I still occasionally find a process or procedure that is screwed up but only minor cost wise. However, each time I find a problem or God forbid I make a mistake or one of my people make a mistake, I am on the carpet being chewed-out, pay being cut, reprimanded in writing, or the like.

I still have my “VP” position, but I’m miserable – I’m on 2 psycho meds, in talk therapy twice a week, and fighting to keep my marriage. I live in mortal fear (feels it to me) of making a mistake and hide them now when I do at work. I have no self worth, I second guess all of my decisions, haven’t participated in any hobbies in 2+ years, haven’t even tried to make love to my wife in over a year, I’m fat, and being 40 in this economy – not many prospects unless I move far away. My wife loves her job, my family lives here, her family is close by, and I haven’t networked in 10 years – I’m just waiting it out I guess – I’m trapped and broken.

I don’t know what your situation is — I can only guess from what you’ve shared — it sounds like you don’t see moving to a new job as a solution (and honestly, new jobs are no guarantees of a better environment, sometimes the people we can’t stand will follow us wherever we go only they are wearing different faces/names.) Maybe this is an opportunity to create a new work experience / environment for yourself. Many times I’ve found that it’s not the other people who have changed (they rarely do) that has made a situation tolerable or even enjoyable for me — it is because I have changed. I have made new rules and roles for myself.

Does your GM need a wake-up call for putting you in charge, tasking you with decisions you “have no business handling?” Maybe. Maybe not. People rise to the challenge, not the other way around. Your GM may seem clueless, but he appears to believe in your ability to have a clue when he knows he doesn’t have a clue. He trusts you enough to put huge decisions on your shoulders — this has come as a blessing and a curse for you.

What if you ARE the right person and what if you ARE the right “go to” guy? How do you know you’re not? The number of years of experience can be deceiving. There are people who have been on the job 20 years and they actually have 20 * 1 year of experience, not 20 years of experience. I have also met people who have been on the job a few years but they have a lot of insight about the job and the industry.

Part of rising to the challenge is to be clear that you will accept this challenge, but you’re open to asking for help, so that you are able to make better informed decisions and manage many moving parts more effectively. Whenever I’m facing what feels insurmountable, I start writing down everything that is contributing to this perception. Then I break it down into smaller steps to try to problem solve. Sometimes by getting it all out and seeing it in front of me on a piece of paper makes me feel better, at least I am looking at these things squarely in the eye, even if I’m not yet sure how I’m going to address each and everyone of them.

I believe in you! Please let us know how you’re doing.

As for all of you: buck up buttercups, the sun will shine again, if you pay attention you’ll see it, it happens more often than not.