Comments on: Work-Related Stress and Depression

By: Jane Chin, Ph.D.

Jane Chin, Ph.D. — Tue, 17 Jan 2012 21:50:58 +0000

Hi Rick: I’m sorry to hear that you are in a very frustrating work situation. You asked “what kind of example am I setting for your kids?” I think you have a lot more personal power to create the answer than you give yourself credit for. Imagine for a moment that one of your children had grown up and is in your shoes. For insurance reasons your grown child has to stay with a job situation that is frustrating him more each day. He feels like he’s getting nowhere and can’t move up. But he has a special needs child and he feels like he has no choice. How will you advise him?

I don’t know what your situation is — I can only guess from what you’ve shared — it sounds like you don’t see moving to a new job as a solution (and honestly, new jobs are no guarantees of a better environment, sometimes the people we can’t stand will follow us wherever we go only they are wearing different faces/names.) Maybe this is an opportunity to create a new work experience / environment for yourself. Many times I’ve found that it’s not the other people who have changed (they rarely do) that has made a situation tolerable or even enjoyable for me — it is because I have changed. I have made new rules and roles for myself.

Does your GM need a wake-up call for putting you in charge, tasking you with decisions you “have no business handling?” Maybe. Maybe not. People rise to the challenge, not the other way around. Your GM may seem clueless, but he appears to believe in your ability to have a clue when he knows he doesn’t have a clue. He trusts you enough to put huge decisions on your shoulders — this has come as a blessing and a curse for you.

What if you ARE the right person and what if you ARE the right “go to” guy? How do you know you’re not? The number of years of experience can be deceiving. There are people who have been on the job 20 years and they actually have 20 * 1 year of experience, not 20 years of experience. I have also met people who have been on the job a few years but they have a lot of insight about the job and the industry.

Part of rising to the challenge is to be clear that you will accept this challenge, but you’re open to asking for help, so that you are able to make better informed decisions and manage many moving parts more effectively. Whenever I’m facing what feels insurmountable, I start writing down everything that is contributing to this perception. Then I break it down into smaller steps to try to problem solve. Sometimes by getting it all out and seeing it in front of me on a piece of paper makes me feel better, at least I am looking at these things squarely in the eye, even if I’m not yet sure how I’m going to address each and everyone of them.

I believe in you! Please let us know how you’re doing.

By: Jane Chin, Ph.D.

Jane Chin, Ph.D. — Tue, 17 Jan 2012 21:38:48 +0000

Sarah: I hope you find a more productive work environment soon! No job is worth giving away too much time from friends/family/what you love.

By: Jane Chin, Ph.D.

Jane Chin, Ph.D. — Tue, 17 Jan 2012 21:36:39 +0000

Hi Mike: I don’t believe in the “suck it up” method — at least — not before we’ve done a good job at identifying ways to improve our work environment. It’s like hobbling along a marathon with a broken ankle and being told “suck it up and be a man!” You’re hobbling not because you’re weak, but because you have an injury that requires attention and assistance. I see depression as the same way — you must treat this, and view this as a medical condition requiring attention — not as a character weakness that you can talk yourself out of (believe me, I tried, it doesn’t work for me.) One of the conversations I’d encourage you to have with your boss is “what does confidence look like?” A lot of times we’re told to act more confidently but then that’s a very fuzzy idea. If your boss sees someone and says, “wow that is a very confident manager!” — ask the boss “what has that manager done? how does that manager talk? what does the manager do to give you this impression of confidence?” Because confidence is truly about impressions: other people’s impression of you. In this case, once you know what your boss’s impression of “confidence” looks like, it gives you a clearer idea of what you can do to be more visible in those ways that make an impression. I for one think you are brave to say “something must be done before it destroys my life.”

By: Jane Chin, Ph.D.

Jane Chin, Ph.D. — Tue, 17 Jan 2012 21:31:28 +0000

Hi Jacob: It is very normal to experience “buyer’s remorse” where you start to regret taking on a new job. If you find that the new work place lacks structure, what structure can you put in place for yourself to ease this transition? Maybe one of the first things to do is to identify the types of structures that you had in your old work place that have helped you be engaged and productive — and see how you can recreate some of these structures at your new job. I have no doubt that there are many other coworkers who can benefit from the structure! Very few people can remain productive with prolonged lack of structure. I’m very unstructured and even I’ve grown dependent on some form of a goal / task list / calendar. Please do check back and let us know how you’re doing.

By: Rick

Rick — Tue, 17 Jan 2012 03:18:58 +0000

Hi. I’ve been employed at a propane company for 6 years now and I’m about to the point I want to explode. I feel I’m getting nowhere, I can’t move up, I’m tasked with decisions that someone with 6 years experience has no business handling. My supervisior(and the GM of the company) have no idea about this line of work and place a fellow with just 6 years under his belt as the “go to” guy? I’ve lost interest in most things I used to enjoy doing, sometimes I lay awake in bed for 2 or 3 hours from the aggravations. I have developed quite a defeatist attitude over most things and what’s worse, I have two children. What do I do? I have a very hard time acting like I’m ok. What kind of example am I setting for my kids? That when you’re grown, you work somewhere you hate until your’e dead? My youngest child has siezures, so I MUST have the medical insurance that my employer provides, so in my mind, I’m trapped and feel like I can never get out. Thanks for reading this over.

By: Sarah

Sarah — Sat, 07 Jan 2012 20:47:58 +0000

I feel for you mike, I’m in the same boat, I have been promised the same assistant manager position for a year now, even though I have been fulfilling the requirements of the position for well over a year. I guess I’m just waiting for the pay increase and the title now, I already do the job, haha. But my boss likes to use sugar coated insults (where he is deffinetly insulting you but he throws in a compliment to somehow counter the insults) when my equal standing co workers mess up, its my fault, always, I work with this one guy, he is dumber than a bag of bricks, he is not my responsibility for training or anything at all, yet when he screws up, I get the tounge lashing for it. I have gone to upper management and to HR each time I get the same response “learn to manage your stress better, dont take it too personally” well I have done what I can for the stress management, as for taking it too personally: I am giving them my time away from my friends, from my family, from what I love, if thats not personal I dont know what is. I am currently looking for other employment opportunities in where I will be respected and appreciated for my hard work.

As for all of you: buck up buttercups, the sun will shine again, if you pay attention you’ll see it, it happens more often than not.

By: Mike

Mike — Thu, 29 Dec 2011 17:54:21 +0000

the reason I came to this sight was because I had to leave work this morning because of my depression. yesterday I discovered that I had made a big mistake on an order that i had placed a month ago and when i told my boss, he made me feel like the biggest idiot ever. he had just given me a raise the day before after telling me that I had a low self esteem and as a manager he wanted to see more confidence.
this morning i got to work early and sat in my car until I was 5 minutes late. I couldn’t find the strength anywhere inside of me to get out of the car. I finally walked into the office and sat down. I couldn’t even motivate myself turn on my computer. i was only there for 15 minutes, then I walked out. I told everyone that I had a severe migraine headache. I think it was obvious that me leaving had to do with the ass chewing I received the evening before, and it’s true.
last night, as I was drinking heavily, I spoke with a friend about my horrible day. she told me that I was “feeling sorry for myself” and that I just needed to suck it up and be a man.
this depression is going to ruin my life because I am losing control of it. if I lose my job I will spiral even further. i feel so powerless and hopeless that I often fantisize about taking my life just to stop the pain. but I have people I love, who also love me. I couldn’t do that to them. I am certain that I can’t do this alone. I have a library of self help books. they help, but they only slow the progression of the depression.
some days are better than others. I do not feel this way all the time, but when it comes on, it is dehibilitating. I simply can’t go on like this. something must be done before it destroys my life. again.
thanks for reading

By: Jacob

Jacob — Mon, 26 Dec 2011 13:00:15 +0000

Thank you Doctor. I have been spending weeks feeling the on-sets of depression since I started this new job. Their lack of structure and the leader’s team ethics has put me into a state of panic and regret from leaving my old job. Though I did it for a necessary reason, I feel as though I’ve put myself into a bad spot mentally. I have been pushing through my distress somewhat successfully; however, when I return from a weekend, I feel as though the walls are closing in and that I will ultimately make the ones I love suffer for my choice. In my mind, I keep saying “stupid choice,” but I have to reassure myself that it was not stupid.

By: Jane Chin, Ph.D.

Jane Chin, Ph.D. — Thu, 10 Nov 2011 17:49:44 +0000

I am so happy to hear this, Aimee — you deserve a great life! Thank you for letting me know.

By: Aimee

Aimee — Thu, 10 Nov 2011 13:05:03 +0000

I want to thank you a million times over. With your advice, I have been able to manage the situation, achieve research success, steer my PI’s behaviour positively, AND get a great new job! Life looks better now and I am definitely better!