Andrea Grimes writes about attending a “bootcamp” aimed to heal people who are in emotionally abusive relationships. The bootcamp was based on Dr. Steven Stosny’s method. Dr. Stosny is an anger and domestic abuse expert.
Andrea cringes at the $800 price tag for the event, and learns the acronym “HEALS” for Stosny’s compassion-grounded process:
“H” – visualizing the word “HEALS” when you feel angry
“E” – experiencing core hurts
“A” – accessing your core value
“L” – loving yourself
“S” – solving the problem
Although Andrea described examples of the “HEALS” process, I suspect that most situations may end up in the “self love” bucket. That is, whenever you become angry at someone’s actions, it may be because you perceived that action to mean you were unlovable and undeserving in some way. Then you lash out at the perpetrator that has triggered this experience in you, thereby inflicting abuse. The solution is then to swim in imageries and experiences that make you feel good and lovable, which are usually conducive to compassion.
Abusers need to practice these steps 12 times a day for 6 weeks, essentially reprogramming how one reacts to a situation.
(P.S. Perhaps those with road rage may consider Stosny’s “compassionate driving” method for one’s intermittent explosive disorders.)
