In my teens, like many people in the comments, I always thought it was a racial thing – a Chinese family raising style. Well, it wasn’t. None of the other kids in my community were raised like that. I’ve met a lot of Chinese families that were loving. My brother was never emotionally abused – just me.

She used to say things like “you should’ve been abortioned”, “you’re a mistake”, “you’re stupid”, “you’re just here to be my pension” over and over, almost daily – and then be nice 5 minutes later. Everything I did was a failure to her; if my brother did the same thing, he was treated like a god. Like I said, in my teens, I didn’t know I was being emotionally abused. I thought I had done something wrong and it was annoyed her.

She’d humiliate me in front of her and my friends, throw out my schoolwork, ransack my belongings. Everything i said and did was met with negative criticism. Over the years, I learned to be assertive and answer back, only for her to go into some self-centred emotional drama thing like some screaming banshee girl. And I would be accused of starting the trouble!

However – 5 months ago, I learned about emotional abuse. All the symptons fit. All her behaviour fit. In a way, it was the most empowering find of my life – a relief, because truly it meant there was nothing wrong with me after all. It was about her behaviour.

I went onto confront her last November – to get accountability from her, to get issues out in the open – and my mum did not feel sorry at all. She didn’t care. She felt it was all justified. Initially my dad supported me and tried to peace make – but my dad has a violent temper (which he used to take on me as a kid). And just two weeks ago he violently attacked me (tried to put my head through a window) and said he’d stand by her, no matter what.

Yeah, it’s hard for me.

I have no emotional support from anyone as I go through this. Haven’t had any for almost 4 years. None of my friends return my calls. I have perfectionism problems and feel it’s too late to live my life now – because all my early life has been stolen by my mother’s ugliness. I met all the wrong people, had toxic lovers, did mediocre jobs when inside I knew I was destined for something more – and the dream job I’ve always felt I wanted to do now feels too late to do.

I feel so down about things now I’m thinking about killing myself. I’ve been reading about suicide techniques all night and the best way to do it. I hate what my life has become – and yet I did nothing to my mum for it to be this way. I hate my life, even though I know there’s so much untapped potential within. But I can’t get to it. I’m SO angry about what’s been done and yet what can anger do? You can’t get back the years, you can’t force people to take responsibility. I feel so angry some days I could hit her – but what does that accomplish? This scares me too, ‘cos I’m not a violent person.

I didn’t deserve to be abused. I did nothing to her to be treated this way for more than 20 years of my life.

That’s why the suicidal thinking. Because what’s the point anyway – without emotional support, without best friends, without anyone to believe in you, it’s too late to live life the way you want ‘cos everyone else has decades on you. I can’t get back the years.

What’s the point of living anymore? There is no point.

How are you? I just read your post and I see you are/were in the same exact position I am currently in (you are just farther along in your pregnancy). Will you be having all the fetal testing done and/or amnio? I am very scared? Thanks for your time! Hope to hear from you soon!